happy bday to myself ..

i'm 20 yrs old tis year ..
but i behave like i'm only 19 year old ..
haha

thanks for those ppl who wished me happy bday ..
all the present u gave me ..

really thanks alot ..
i love the present so much,
thanks for the handmake present =)

thanks alot ..

especially my dear..
although he's not in singapore right now
but he celebrated my bday .. ?
wonder how he make it ?
haha hah a
he eventually bought a cake over there while my parent bought a cake too ..

he decorated the cake and he showed it to me( he sing bday song, blow candle, eat the cake) .
he make it so real as in he's really celebrating for me..
this may sound silly to u all ..
but it's really veri sweet to me .
imagine, a guy do tis to u ..
oh my god.. i'm super touched by wad he did ..
tis silly boy of mine, simply just love him loads.

nothing could describe the happiness i've in my heart. haha ..
but i simply just love it .. =)

hahah ..

really ..

tdy is de day where is happiness and sadness..

although it's my bday but it's my frend and one of sis leaving ..


one moment happy and another is sad ..
but tis is wad we call life ..
tml is a public holiday and i work morning shift yeah =_= jia you le ..
take care to u ..

a special 20 yrs old bday i've ..

thanks mummy and daddy for the treat of eating at swesen ..
after so long .. i ate
thanks my cousin for coming dwn to celebrate for me wahaha ..

thanks
i enjoyed my bday tis yr ...

i want to shout ..
i cant help it
but i just want to shout out lodu !
i cant stand anymore ..
tdy theory paper .
is just like a piece of shit ..

i guess the chances of me doing a supp one is so high that i'm mentally prepared for it
haha
no choice lah ..
given as my mentallity .
sure do it de

i gif up totally ..
mayb it wasnt my career at all ..
one yr is my testing limit ..
after a year den see ..



let me voice out tdy paper..
was totally brand new to the IVC and IVM ..
no theory was given ..
as in a proper one lah ..
wasnt really introduced to it but end up we haf to take 2 paper at one time ..
hai ..
i really haf nth to say ..


work as usual ..
ytd was given central trollery myself ..
yeah yeah
was asked to cover iso for the nurse to bREAK ..
end up , i de-isolate pt to my central
haha
but iso was fun lah ..
i manage to work there once cox my sister was assigned to it ..
first time workin there, i almost freak out ..
we do standby case at isolation ..
first time of my life i heard tis ..
arrgh
why ..
all the patient come to iso is so ill
beside there, dey all come in to
nt becox of puenmonia
but some others like fever

hehe ..
afterall, i want to say
i nid improvement to be better one

jia you .. ..

hope i wun die soon
hahahah

this 2 days i was so busy ..
oh my god ..
monday case keep coming in ..
till we cant breathe at all ..
although i was assisgn with 3 trollery but but but
i was so busy lah
cox i got all the a and b ..
some more, other doc will call me to do for them
but i find it ive to manage them as well ..
take it and learn slowly ..

tdy i was assigned total 6 trolley ..
i was busy ..
i help in p1 all thes .. but it wasnt as bad as mon ..
overal , i rate tdy okie ..
but in the end with so many med, i almost freak out haha ..
but i find it nice lah
my senior gudie me thru
thanks alot for them ..

tml finally is my rest day ..
tired tired

it wasnt my day in sun ..
wondering why it wasnt my day ..
becox i had a bad experience ..
3 yrs in my life,
i wrote my first EHOR( incident report),
argh ..
however, looking at the bright side of the matter,
i get to learn how to write a EHOR .
i tell u .. it's so damn hard lah !
u noe why/
u nid to noe all the name and ppl who is involved in the incident,
den u nid to write all the ting..
frm the top to toe ..
why pt come in, wad management haf been done, what happen all these .. ..
alot alot lah ..
lucky i've one preceptor to write for me and as well as my sister helped me too ...

this is how the story goes..

he've a chest tube inserted at the there,
enroute to ward, he was moving ard..
suddenly i feel so weird and uneasy ..
somehow i suspect sth is going to happen
and as well as i forget to bring..
i asked, wad are u doing ? pls dun move alot or pull anyting
becox he's awake frm the dream , he started to pull everyting ..
that's why i advice him nt to move ard..


wen up to the ward,
b4 transferring to the bed,
dey notice the chest tube is out ..
i was shocked..
surprised..
as well as i dunno wad to do ..
i cant say i'm new or wad ..
cox it's my fault ..
my mind was blank ..
all i tink was to save pt ..
but the staff say u're to take responsiibility all these..
i told her , yup i'll take everyting ..
dun worry .
so i made a courtesy call to my emd ..
to inform that abt the situation and i cant gg back becox of these ..
i apologieed to them ..
somehow the mo was question me, the staff i cant caused a pt death .. yeah i admitted ..

so the reg came and reinserted the tube again .. i was so terrified ..
i dunno wad to do ..
they insisted me to stay and they nid my help .. so i called them again ..
in de end, my sister came up and "save" me ..
my face was totally red even my ears ..
cox i dunno wad to do ..
my first time ..
i was terrified too ..
frm then on , i learnt a lesson .. i;ve a new experience ..

my task was to read up and hand in a management to my sister ..

yup that's all ..

tdy is my second day orientation
we learn all about the nuh ..
first day was fine .. halfway thru
i 've this terrible headache ,
that i nearly fainted ..
cannot say fainted lah ..
it 's only so painful that i feel like throwing up lo ..
despite eating panadol, the pain still wont go ..
so i decided to gif my baby a msg, even though i dun want him to worry
but i dunno why in de end, i still sms him ..
mayb i miss him so much hehe * thick skinned*
after that, i managed to join all the activities..
amazing race was fun ..

first time, i try to use the fire extinguisher
haha
the feeling was like ..
yeah .. i did it .
i noe how to pull out a fire haha
fun fun fun ...


otherwise, i;ve nth to blog about orientation haha ..

cox lecuture i either zzz , talk or stare or listen to it ..
if not i will sms my baby hehe
but i noe he've sch so i didnt really sms him much

orientation last for 4 days ..
after that i'm working haha ...




the end ..

i did my first assisting intubation for the first time ..
i tell u
the feeling is super scary lah !
u can really feel the ETT going down.
as if the tube has just pass by the throat to the larnyx(dunno how to spell).
until tdy, i still can rmb how it feel !
it like wow ..
i feel it lah ..

that day the second time i don up my staff nurse uniform, i was put into the most critical area where most patient are most unstable, and dangerously ill ..
those DIL, DNR, MCM patient
or patient condition change to the worst ..
like unconscious pt de ..

then it came a STANDBY ..
so it was unreponsive,
so need to be intubate as the GCS( conscious level) of the patient drop..
so b4 that i ask my SSN,
can i be the airway nurse, i told her i never did b4 neither do i try b4 ..
she agreed ,..
i was like yeah ..

in the end, i regret to be one
u noe why ..
becox i forget all my thing
all i can rmb was to pass this and that to the doc and i was like blur blur de
imagine tis ..
ure working with all the seniors!
two consultant, one medical officer, one senior staff nurse, and me ..
i was like oh my god ..
stress stress lah !
like wad i say i also forget ..

now i noe ..
when doc is hypervent the pt,
we must apply crioiod( dunno how to spell) pressure,
prepare suction if needed,
pass the larygnscope to the doc, once she see the airway ,
pass the ETT (B4 hand, already lubricate and test with the a syringe for the balloon).
once the ETT goes in,
immediate cuff it,
and doc say let go crioiod pressure
and see the marking
and paste it.
one of the senior doc,
tell me tis
wen u paste the ETT,
do not push in the ETT, instead ,
slightly pull out, so that the ETT wun go in too deep
becox when the ETT goes in too deep, it will go to the trachea den bronchus.. den it'll only inflat one of the lungs so end up pt will collaspe too !


my first time off ETT was kinda of failed ..
haha
but my senior staff nurse say tis to me,
kelly, u're quite organised,
keep it up, u nid more try ..
i was like really , okie i'll do better ..
haha
the senior doc say tis .. i tink u all nurse must haf 8 pair of arms in order to work ..
i tink it was quite true lo ..
one hand pressing crioid pressure, cannot let go den u to use the other hard to pass all the stuff ..
wah piang ehh ..
haha
but i've fun ..

another STANDBY came in,
it was a collapsed case,
so my senior SN say tis to me,
kelly u be the airnurse again ..
try again ..
tis time i was alright but i was a lilttle bit blur lah ..
cox the ting was prepared by her but i still manage to learn

in conclusion,
i must say tis,
ASSISSTING in intubation wasnt like the book stated!
it wasnt as easy as u tink
i can say tis to u !
really
it wasnt easy
in sch, we did it as if like no body business..
but in real life, u;ve to be fast
cox brain cell will die in 4 mins time if the patient do not received any oxygen..
and we can only do it in 3 times ..
if fail,
we've to keep hyperventilate the pt ..

i want to say
if u're given a chance to do it, go ahead and try ..
it fun ..
u'll find it amazing
haha ..

overall, i find it fun hehe .. i must be mad ..
i enjoyed working on that day
i was stress but i still find it fun ..
so i must keep going...

finally i got my staff nurse uniform..
however, i dun even feel like wearing it at all ..
the mood wasnt right at all ..
totally different!
i'm afraid of wearing the uniform..

is nt that i worry that the stress will be on me
but i feel so frightened!
i feel that i'm totally nt prepared to be one !

i feel like i'm a loser
a big sore loser ..
u noe !
everyone tell me that dey're afraid, i'm able to talk to them
but it come to me, *FAINTED*
i cant make it ..
i dunno why why why

i tried to escape frm it !
i tell all my sister nxt week nxt week
7 april 08 den can wear
but dey ask me abt the uniform
i was like telling them tml den can take lo ..
but now i got it !
wad m i suppose to do ?

can someone shake me up?
like wake me up frm the fear?
i noe ..
others can do it , why cant i ?
it's that i'm lacking of confident ..
i dunno wad to say ..
pl are so excited to wear uniform but me chose to remain the same ..
i noe i'm a coward ..
i admitted it ..
just gif me sometime,
i'll learn how to do it ..
i tried my best to overcome my fear
cox i guess tml i'll be wearing the uniform!
i reluctuant to do so !

i'm signing off to tink abt it ..
hai ..
i've to overcome my fear ..
that day haf really arrived and come ..
do it or leave it .. !

010408
april fool day
but in this blog ,
the words i wrote, it come frm the bottom of my hrt..
i'm NOT fooling u !

two days had passed.
i feel that i'm back to the reality
where i've to face the cruelty of this world once again.
..
no longer is the world of me and u ..

noisy life is back to my life..
where i've to listen to everyone shouting, screaming, everywhere i go..
nightmare had engulfed back into my dream!

10 days in melb, i feel that i'm living in the wonderland,
i'm just like a cinderalla..
where i found my prince over there..
i've lots of fun ( although the shop close early)..
i realised my love for u has grown even more ..
mayb like wad u say to me, i cant live w/o u too ..
just like one of the song .. ..

the time with u
passed so fast,
it's so fast that,
sometime how i wish the time will just stopped .
i can paused the time!
so that everyone will be freeze! ..
haha haha haha

i like the time where u and me
in the appt
it just like our little home.
u cook the spageti ( dunno how to spell)
and i help u to wash and dry plate ( end up, u're doing urself cox i caused even more troubled for u)..
u scolded me for messing up the hse, and i realised that my yang yang is so man ! hehe


i like the moment where u and me ,
holding hand walking back to the appt in the middle of the night,
in my hrt, i feel so sweet and loving.
i feel so joyful..
feel that i'm like a little woman who is being protected.
no longer fighting alone in the EMD ( which sometime, i feel so tired of putting up a brave front or fake smile to them ).

the moment where u and me
sitting in the tram.
wen i feel tired, u'll alway offered me to lie on ur shoulder , asking me to take a rest.
so nice and warmed..
although the journey was far but i dun mind, becox i was with u =)

10 days in melb,
i'm so happy to be with u..
the happy moment and feeling iare the things i dunno how to tell/show it to u ..
the only way i can prove it
to u
is to hug and kiss u non stop.
to me, this is the best way i could prove to u ..
the bits and piece of joy i haf.

during the departure,
i feel extremely sad.
how i wish
how i wish
i can dun come back to sg..
i tell myself nt to cry in front of u
becox if i were to cry, i'll make u feel even worse and sad..
i must be brave ..
the moment i sat in the plane, tears just dropped..
i couldnt stopped ..
it took me abt 15 mins to dry the tears in my eyes..
the moment i heard u're crying, my tears rolled dwn of my eyes.
i feel so regretful..

nevertheless,
i'm once again back to tis reality =(

baby,
i miss u so badly
spiritually, my soul is still with u

bit and pieces of memories i've shared with u
couldnt stopped flashing thru my mind..


no matter wad, u must study hard, i'll wait for u to come back ..
i hope one day, the promises u gave me will come true.
the dream of my japan will become real..

thanks for the 10 days ,
the happiest moment i've =)
the time i spent with u ..
no words could actually replace the happiness i';ve in my heart =)

baby, i love u.. no one love u as much as i do. tis is the phrase u used to tell me,
BUT now i'm telling u ..

i'll be looking forward to the time u come back to singapore =)

regards
ur darlin'
kelly toh shi yun

p.s sorry for my poor english. i tried my best to write it in a better way =P hehe